From fear of life to killing it today, an exhausting journey of self-awakening – Anwiti SinghSeptember 28, 2017
Growing up, I was scrawny and sickly, (though people who have made my acquaintance in the last 5 years may find it hard to believe). One look at me would have the beholder wondering, what is wrong with this kid? Is she mal-fed or mal-nourished? Well, both answers were no, obviously. I was fed well and well taken care of, but there was something definitely wrong with the kid.
Let me take you on a thoroughly boring journey of what made me the person that I am today.
Once upon a time, in a land far-far away (Patna), a woman laid in labour, awaiting the arrival of her second child. The extended family prayed for a person with a penis. But alas! Gods don’t exist and the child was unfortunately a girl, again.
The child was born ill, and had to be incubated like a chicken egg, lest she’d not survive. Jaundice, they said it was. Luckily for me, the boy child fanaticism was contained to my grandmother and some family members; my parents’ only concern was my life. And since that day of 29 June, 1.30AM, till this current time, they have done everything in their power for me, and I cannot thank them in a hundred lives!
Age, 4 years, and I’m still weak but fine.
Fast forward to 6 years, and my joint family randomly introduced a dog in my life. I hated them for that, now I only laugh at my past naivety. (It’s funny because now dogs are now the centre of my life and I can never stop loving my fur babies).
Advance to 10 years. Some weird stomach infection which makes me miss a month of school and leaves me drained of life.
I am 13 now, finally a teenager, and fresh with pneumonia. My lungs are filled with fluid. I cannot breath. 2 months break from school.
Now it’s the tenth grade. I have wonderful life; I am a “cabinet minister” of my high school, I’m famous for my extra-curricular, I have a knack for being creative, and I’m in love with learning. It’s summer vacations and my 16th birthday is next week. I feel excited, so much exhilaration that I am puking constantly. Wait, that isn’t excitement, you don’t become lifeless because of adrenaline rush. It’s my liver this time. I have jaundice (again) along with viral HepA (Lucky me!), and I am now bedridden for 3-4 months. This is when I start reading fervently; it was my escape.
For the first two months, I am not allowed solid foods. I live on lentils water and spinach juice, porridge, and absolutely no salt! I weigh around 35kgs at this point, (are you jealous size-zero supermodels?) But it’s all good, soon I’ll get better and finish my board exams and all will be peachy, right? Wrong.
It takes me 6 months to recover and I miss my boards. I leave the school altogether. I have clinical depression now, I’m living on pills, and I have self harm tendencies. (I shudder at the memory and hate myself for what my parents must have gone through).
2010, new school, just to complete my 10th boards! It goes rather fine there but oh, I have a lung infection again! Luckily, it’s minor, and is fixed within a month and a half.
I finish my 11th grade by distance learning because my body is too tired to go to regular school. But the universe is a bitch, I fall ill again in 2012. (The end of the world was rumored back then, but for me and my family, my life was definitely ending). And this time, it’s deep in my bones, literally. I have a bone marrow disorder. My marrow is bloody lazy and doesn’t want to put in any effort to create blood, or absorb any nutrient that blood is delivering to it. Selfish bitch!
13 months of continuous treatment and tons of medical steroids later, I somehow manage to “recover”, even though I’ll live with this for the rest of my life (and don’t forget the steroid induced rapid weight gain). Some months are good, some are bad, some unbearable; but I am alive and I’m out of depression, and it’s all that matters!
Cliché– You have just 1 life, live it to the fullest!
Truth– You literally have only 1 life, grab it by the throat!
Some say that I am confused. Maybe it’s because I have a diploma in Spanish Language, a B.Sc in Biotechnology, and now I’m working as content developer. But I’m really not puzzled; in fact I’m as certain as a person could be. Cliché again, I have just one life, and I know it’s very uncertain. I will try and do everything I love in this one life.
There was point when I never could have imagined I’ll be where I am today. I never thought I could call myself even sufficient, let alone successful! I became a quasi-public face in college, became a Student Body Coordinator (thanks Unleashed), and got a sweet writing gig soon as I finished college. I now have a shadow of success to my credit.
Every course I have studied, every extra- curricular, every writing or public speaking experience (again, thank you, Unleashed), every new adventure has been a reminder that life is worth living and I am worth something.
Who knows, maybe next year I’ll study a new course, or travel the world, or take a long break to binge watch TV and binge read! I do know one thing for sure, I’ll never stop learning.
Remember kids! Do everything in your power to make yourself happy and content, because nobody else will do it for you!