Conquering my fears in pursuit of Passion – VishiJune 20, 2016
My name is Vishi.From childhood my father was in Dubai,and my mother used to be at her office.As a result most of the time I used to be alone at my home.
When I was in my fifth grade,I was more active than what the kids of fifth grade actually are.I loved to tease others,and often my mother used to get complaints from residents of our society,like I beat up their kids,etc.You know how naughty kids at this age are.
As a result of the frequent complaints ,I was locked at home after school,before my Mom use to leave for her office.In the starting it didn’t seem much,and I was happily playing around the house,but then eventually I got bored alone.I pleaded to my Mom to do something.
There was a guy,our neighbor,who I refered to as ‘Ritesh Bhaiya’,and my mother trusted.So my mother talked to him,and from then on he started being with me at our home. I was happy as he had no problem with me playing and often use to be a part of it.
Then one unfateful day,I still remember it was half day of school,he was already waiting outside my school.We came back to our home.
He forced his will upon me!!
I was abused physically.
Even though being a child I could not exactly figure out what had happened to me,but I was sure that it was dirty and wrong.
He threatened me to be silent about this,and I complied.
From that day I was frightened and scarred.He abused me many times after that.
My mother noticed that there was some strange change with my behavior,and counselled me.But the fear in me was too much and I couldn’t tell her anything.I only requested that I don’t want to be with ‘Ritesh Bhaiya’ anymore.My Mom then called him and talked to him.
The past incidents had taken their toll on me and I fell very ill.When I was taken to the doctor,and after checkup my Mom was told something,which being a child I could not understand.But I remember that day my mother cried a lot.She asked me again if anything had happened,but the fear still kept me silent.
The fear and the bad memories only grew with time to such an extent,that I had trouble sleeping.I often woke up screaming at mid night,or was terrified suddenly sitting normally.
Till then I reached sixth grade,and I was taken to a psychiatrist,and I was then able to talk about all that has happened to me.After that I was under constant fear that ‘Ritesh Bhaiya’ would kill me,because I came out about the incidents,and due to the constant fear I fell into depression.
To fight against it my mother,started to keep me busy.I was enrolled into dance classes,as she knew that I had an interest in it.She asked me to be a part of various competitions in school,and did a lot of such things,so that my inner fear would diminish.She also talked to my teachers and even they helped me.
Eventually I started coming back to being myself.I represented my school at national level for debate and poetry competition,and took parts in many such competitions.
In my 10th I scored 85 % and was very happy.On the same day I decided that I would commence my own dance classes,and my Mom supported me with my decision.Since I was interested in dance since my childhood,my classes started faring good!!
Still today,I have a fear of being alone,and my mother cries sometimes wishing she didn’t blindly trust ‘Ritesh Bhaiya’.Today I am aged 17,and am much more successful than the kids in my age group,but still I do not have any friend,because I still have fear left in me.
My Mom thinks that eventually the fear will fade away,but I am not sure about it. Even today I sometime wake up middle of the night and then couldn’t sleep remembering the incidents.
My mother often tells me that the past can’t be changed so its better to forget it.
I sometimes pity myself,that why did it happened with me only,I was so small.But since I cannot change anything,I try to keep myself as busy as possible.